3.22.2010

Day's like this...

It's amazing how restless rainy days make me feel.
A bit like an outer shell, you know?
Better sweep, better mop, better wash.
Better wine...wind down, I mean.
I don't even know where those words used to come from.
Someone else, I guess. Someone else it feels like anyway.
Even when I'm happy, I'm not sure that's me.
It was happy looking back and so maybe it will be again, looking back, later.
But there's something else, something bigger and better, lurking.
Waiting out there, even when I find it, there's something else.
What does that mean? ...about me?
Restless...legs...syndrome.
Yeah, they were on to something with that one.
I doubt I need a pill, though.
Never could subscribe to any pills out there.
Can't subscribe to anything anymore anyway.
Even before the veil was peeled, it didn't matter.
That does seem like a good excuse to anyone, and myself, too.
Couldn't subscribe, couldn't do that anymore anyway.
Restless on a rainy day. Everyday anyway anymore.
More, that too. Need some more in me, I think.
There are just a lot of different directions to go.
But I can't subscribe to any of it anymore,
long enough for it to matter.
You know because I can't see the matter in it anymore.
In the small things, I mean, you know?
The small things that make a larger thing, life.
So, yeah, i'm restless on a day like this.
All the days like this. Everyday. Like this.
I can't ever gather all the little things,
in order to make a bigger picture.
I'm not ever sure that's what I want to do,
or what I'm supposed to do,
or that's what I want to do.
I remember when...
I could step back and see some scene of expectation.
Expecting something moving, and finding it in smaller things.
Moving like things that make you feel, not momentum.
Though, some movement would be nice.
Maybe now i've come to the point of something, finally.
The point is stagnation. Not a fine point, pretty dull.
Dumb word, pretty ugly, too, literally. Literarily.
Stagnation.
Am I scared that we're settled?
Not that we've settled.
But maybe that we're settled in this...thing, place. Life.
I think i've thought these thoughts before, actually, remembering now.
Movement is an important part of life.
Movement of the mind, this could be the point, too.
Not another point, I think there's only one.
Just a feeling, its just one thing, sort of feeling.
It is all fine, you know, it's all actually pretty fine.
Just a rainy day like this, anyway, makes me feel small.
Danger's calling anyway, gotta run now.
That's something, at least. For now.


2 comments:

Coolerthanyou said...

People judge you because you broke into houses and destroy families,or almost families.
karma is gonna come after you, and Adam is gonna leave you,just like he does all the time, the difference is that you are gonna end up all alone with a child

close your eyes and listen said...

I think you need to keep your mouth shut and your rude comments to yourself. You don't know these people and anything about them. People have no right to judge people just for sake of jealousy or being mean.
And words like this will come back with karma so be nice.